


On the Outside

by dbw



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-19
Updated: 2009-11-19
Packaged: 2017-10-03 08:52:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dbw/pseuds/dbw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've often speculated on why Carolyn decided to leave Cascade as well as what she thought of Jim and Blair's friendship - it seems to me that she found it baffling at first. There are many possibilities, this is only one of them. This takes place sometime between the episodes "Vow of Silence" and "Flight."</p><p>Originally posted December 2002</p>
    </blockquote>





	On the Outside

**Author's Note:**

> I've often speculated on why Carolyn decided to leave Cascade as well as what she thought of Jim and Blair's friendship - it seems to me that she found it baffling at first. There are many possibilities, this is only one of them. This takes place sometime between the episodes "Vow of Silence" and "Flight."
> 
> Originally posted December 2002

Carolyn peeked under the bread of her sandwich and frowned at the wilted lettuce lying atop the suspiciously shiny looking slices of ham. She peeled the top slice of bread off and sniffed at the mayonnaise, wrinkling her nose as a slightly rancid scent hit the back of her throat. That's what she got for stopping at that hole in the wall deli close to the warehouse district after finishing at that last crime scene instead of waiting until she was back at the station to get lunch. Disgusted, she bundled the pitiful excuse for a meal back into it's paper wrapping and dumped it in the trash. It looked like it was going to be yet another meal spent grazing from the vending machines. She dug her wallet out of her purse with a sigh.

"Oh, hey Lt. Plummer." Blair Sandburg halted a couple of steps into the room and glanced around hesitantly.

"Sandburg." Carolyn fished her packet of chips out of the machine and sat back down at the table. It was past lunch time and too early for afternoon snacks, so they were alone in the break room. She was amused to see that she seemed to make the kid nervous. Every other time she'd run into him he'd come across as self-assured, with perhaps a touch of swagger thrown in for good measure. But then, the other times she'd seen him, he'd been with Jim. That was something that totally confused her. What Jim saw in him, she'd never know.

He stepped over to the soda machine and fed it coins. Based on the sheer amount of silver that he dropped in before he could press a button, he must have only had nickels and dimes on him. As soon as the cola fell, he dug in his pocket for more money, but turned away with a small frown after counting what he had in his hand.

"Need some change?" She wasn't sure why she was volunteering, but it popped out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

"Nah, that's okay," he replied, a half smile on his lips. "I was going to get a bottled water, but I can live with getting a drink from the tap."

Carolyn made a moue of distaste. "Yuck. I'm afraid I can't let you do that. As head of forensics I've tested what comes out of those pipes. Let's just say that I'm this close to slapping a 'potable water only' sign on it." She held out the change needed for a water. "Here. Take it. You can catch me another time when I need something from the machines."

He gave her a genuine smile that time. "Thanks, Lt. Plummer."

"Call me Carolyn. After all, you _are_ working with my ex-husband. And living with him in that drafty barn that he calls a home. I think you can call me by my first name." She raised an eyebrow.

"Carolyn." He looked uncomfortable. "Thanks again. I owe you one."

He scooped up his water and the soda and as he turned to walk away, she gave in to a sudden impulse. "Blair? You have a few minutes?"

He turned around and she could see the wary reluctance on his face. She'd barely had anything to do with him unless he was with Jim, so he had to be wondering what she wanted.

"I guess. Maybe just a couple of minutes. I really should get back to Jim. He'll be wondering where I got to with his cola."

"Let him wonder. You're not his errand boy, are you, Blair? If he wants his damn soda so badly, let him come find it." Carolyn was intrigued to see that he wasn't offended by her oblique suggestion that he was just Jim's gopher. She'd wanted to know what was going on with Jim since he solved the Switchman case months before, but he'd skirted all of her questions whenever she managed to corner him. Maybe she could get some answers out of Sandburg, since he always seemed to be tagging along.

He sat down across from her. "What is it that you want, Carolyn?"

Playing it that way, were they? Well, she could be blunt when she wanted to be, all he had to do was ask Jim about that. "I want to know what's going on with Jim. Why are you still hanging around? Don't get me wrong, you seem like a nice enough guy, but your ride along is way past the three month expiration date. So why is Jim going out of his way to ignore that fact and actively discouraging anyone from bringing the subject up in conversation? I doubt that you're his type, so you'll pardon me if I have a hard time believing that it's because he's got a thing for you."

He remained silent for a moment and continued to study her face, a shrewd look in his eyes that took her aback. "I think that you'd better ask him about that. It really isn't my place to discuss Jim and why he chooses to do anything. Although, I suspect that if he'd wanted you to know, then he would have volunteered the information on his own. But then, you know that or you wouldn't be trying to find out what you want to know from me instead of from him."

Carolyn silently acknowledged his direct hit. The little know-it-all was too clever for his own good. She glanced at him and was furious to see pity in his eyes. How dare he feel sorry for her!

"You've only known Jim for what? A few months? And you think you know him well enough to know whether he'd tell me something or not? I don't think so. I've known Jim far longer than you have, college boy. Hell, I was married to him, so I think I know him better than you ever possibly could. The only reason I asked you was because you're here right now. Trust me when I say that it's not something that keeps me up at night." She narrowed her eyes in satisfaction as he flinched back from the venom in her voice.

A vicious part of her that she hated pushed at her to continue her needling. "If you don't want to tell me just what it is that you do for Jim that's so important that he feels he needs to keep you around, I'll just have to make my own guesses, won't I? A little friendly warning, be careful that you don't get too close to him. Jim can only handle so much of that. He doesn't have the capacity to care enough for anyone to make it worth his while to try to keep them around and I doubt that he'll even give you a second thought when you're gone."

"I'm sorry that you weren't what Jim needed, Carolyn," he said softly, giving no hint of whether her words had struck their mark. "You're wrong, you know. Jim feels things more deeply than anyone I've ever met. If he seems cold and unfeeling to you, it's only because he's been hurt often enough by those he loves that he feels that he has to try to protect himself. I assure you that on the inside is all of the love and caring that you or anyone could want. You just have to recognize it and allow him to express it in his own way and his own time. It's your loss if you couldn't find the patience, but then I guess I should thank you for that, shouldn't I? If you were still in the picture then I might not have had the opportunity to get to know a truly extraordinary person or to be able to say that I'm proud that he's my best friend." He stood and picked up the soda and water and walked out of the break room, head high and shoulders back.

Carolyn sat in silence, ashamed that she'd let her temper get away from her. Sandburg hadn't deserved the things she'd said to him. He'd been right that she was trying to make an end run around Jim and find out things behind his back. It just rubbed her the wrong way that the kid had managed to worm his way into Jim's life so completely. To think that he was living at the loft! Granted, she'd hated the place the entire time that she'd lived there, but that didn't mean she was all right with seeing someone else living there.

It wasn't that she didn't like Sandburg. He didn't seem to have a mean bone in his body. Maybe it would be different if she didn't feel like there was a big secret that the two of them knew and that they weren't about to share with her. And the way Jim acted around Sandburg. Well, there were reasons why the gossips' tongues were wagging. If Jim had ever touched her half as much in public as he did Blair, they might still be married. She snorted softly. Oh, who was she trying to kid? Their differences went far beyond physical intimacy. She and Jim were truly two people who should never have married and who made better friends than they ever did lovers.

It was hard, though, seeing the two of them together. Jim was so much more relaxed around Sandburg than he had ever been with her. It was evident to everyone that their partnership had made a big difference in Jim's life. Something that she'd once thought was her role. And though she knew that it had been her choice to leave their marriage behind, an unreasonable part of her still railed that Sandburg was usurping her place. She sighed. If she could just get rid of her jealousy, maybe she could attempt an apology. She looked up to see Jim standing in the doorway, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Jim?" she asked, her voice uncertain.

His eyes narrowed and he looked thoroughly pissed about something. Surely Sandburg hadn't gone and tattled to him that she'd upset him. She dismissed that thought immediately. Sandburg might be a lot of things, but he didn't strike her as a person who would willingly let someone else fight his battles for him.

Jim stepped into the break room and closed the door behind him. He crossed his arms over his chest and cocked his head. "I caught that little tirade you heaped on Sandburg. You ought to make sure the door's closed before you let loose like that. I want to make something clear to you. Blair's my partner because I choose to have him be my partner. If you have any questions about that, you talk to me from now on. You don't go after Blair. I won't stand for it."

She gasped softly and sat back in her chair. "You won't stand for it? My god, Jim, can you hear yourself? Do you know what you sound like? You sound like an over protective lover coming to his defense. Is that what this is all about? What has he done to you?"

"I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer. I'm just letting you know how it is, Carolyn. You want to continue to be my friend? Fine. Treat Blair with the respect that he deserves. If not for how he helps me, than how about for all of the unpaid work that he puts in around here helping everyone else out with their cases?" Jim sighed. "If you can't do that, then stay out of my way and stay away from Blair." He turned on his heel and strode to the door.

"Jim, please. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at Blair like that. In fact, I was just sitting here trying to figure out how to apologize to him." She smiled, hoping to get a smile in return to let her know that she was forgiven.

"I'm not the one you need to apologize to." His expression remained hard. "I'm sure Blair will appreciate hearing it from you." He looked at her for a moment, as if judging and finding her wanting, and then opened the door and left the room.

She shivered. He'd meant every word that he'd said. Carolyn had no doubt that if she so much as looked cross-eyed at Sandburg that Jim would cut her cold. She was still angry that she didn't have any answers. She knew no more right now about what was going on with Jim and between Jim and Sandburg than she had when she'd asked her original questions. He'd certainly made it obvious that it wasn't any of her business. She was on the outside now, looking in at something she could never have. She felt a stab of pain as she realized that Jim had as much as told her that he considered Sandburg more important to him than she was. God, that hurt more than it should.

Maybe she'd stayed in Cascade too long. About the time that her divorce had become final she'd heard from an old friend in the San Francisco PD who'd asked her to think about coming to work for him. She'd considered it, but had put him off, saying she wasn't ready for another big change in her life. He'd accepted that, though he did bring it up frequently when they talked. Maybe now was the time for her to take him up on his offer.

All she'd wanted was a quiet lunch and here she was contemplating quitting her job and moving away. Why? Because she couldn't stay here knowing that a scruffy college student had taken the friendship and, dare she think it, the love that she'd come to expect from her ex-husband. What hurt even worse was the suspicion that whatever was between them ran far deeper than her marriage to Jim ever had. The whole thing depressed her. With a sigh, she left her snacks behind and headed for her office. It was past time to call a friend and start making some changes in her life.


End file.
